Rolfe's Ramblings

CW: Brief mentions of abuse by medical personnel 

(You can let out the breath you didn't know you were holding; I'm not talking about the current issues with the NaNo forum)

In October I got some sleep studies done. To nobody's surprise, I have a severe case of sleep apnea, so severe that the sleep tech actually told me it was like I wasn't actually sleeping at all because I kept choking on my own passageways. The result was a CPAP machine.

Ten years ago my dad was prescribed a CPAP machine and he hated it. It was too loud for him to sleep with, and the mask (which wrapped around his entire head) kept him up all night. So of course I had my reservations about the whole thing! But it turns out CPAP technology has progressed a fair bit in the last decade. The machine makes absolutely no noise when it's on and there are mask styles that don't make you feel like you're stuck in a cranium cage because you can sleep on your side while wearing them. 

Where am I going with this? Well, it's been a game changer for my productivity. My previous two NaNo attempts went the same way. I'd make quota the first day, then slip off because I was just too tired to put any words onto the paper. The fact that I got 13000 words down both years felt like a miracle writing feat. 

With the CPAP machine I no longer feel like I'm on the verge of collapsing. I don't feel like I'm going to throw up half the day and I don't get these waves of debilitating exhaustion where I have to lay down and take a nap immediately because I can't function. The result is making (and often surpassing) quota in a timely manner. I hit 5,000 words in the first 48 hours!

You'd think this would feel great, instead it just feels weird. The last time I was able to sit down and just get lost in writing for a long stretch, I was a scrawny 17 year old writing a vaguely racist YA novel about ninjas in America fighting demons called "Shadows." (Actually, I'd kind of like to make an improved version of that book at some point. There were a few cool ideas in there that I'd like to revisit.) That was 2009. Fourteen years ago! 
To say that I thought I'd never go back to that level of productivity is an understatement. The last year of high school was a crazy productive time for me. I was working on a book, a comic series, and an animated cartoon short that ended up being five minutes long--and all I had to make it with was Windows Movie Maker and MS Paint.

Then I went through a traumatic disaster at the beginning of 2010. The short version was that I rapidly fell to rock bottom due to untreated bipolar disorder (at the time my symptoms were so atypical that doctors didn't realize they were related to manic-depressive swings) and then was abused by hospital staff for a full month with no way to leave. I'll save the full story for another post when I have the energy to talk about it.

The takeaway is that I never went back to my teenage productive rate. After being discharged I kept getting bounced from medication to medication as "experts" tried to figure out how to treat my unusual symptoms. It wouldn't be until 2020 where I got properly diagnosed (THANK YOU DR. DUFFY) and actually reached a stability point where I could start to get my creative life back in order. Even then, the constant exhaustion I felt from poor sleep quality meant I couldn't make art at the pace I wanted to.

I really thought that the reason I couldn't keep up my art pace was because I was getting old. And I think that's a huge problem with the millennial generation; a lot of us, for whatever reason, tend to view aging from a teenager's perspective where if you're over 21 you're "old" and 30s is "ancient" because you're smack dab in the parental age range, and parents are uncool. (Side note: "rizzler" is absolutely the funniest tween/teen slang word of the year) Lots of people I could have gone to school with (myself included) complaining about easily treatable aches and pains as if they're chronic.

I'm starting to wonder how many of these "constantly exhausted because of my old age" people just need to get a sleep study done. Sleep Apnea is pretty common.

Sweet dreams, Popeye.

All in all, I feel like I've been given a second chance at being a creative entrepreneur, and I intend to take it this time. 25k words so far on my NaNoWriMo and I'm not even breaking a sweat. Hooray for being awake!

Anyhow, it's my day off and I want to go nuts doing art and music while I have the extra time. For now, here's this morning's illustration of Screwy the Gremlin, the unconventional love interest of my NaNoWriMo 2023 venture.